Do I stay or do I go?

One of life's greatest questions, if I may say so myself.

What do I do now?

The big picture is, I have to take care of my own sanity.

I don't want to be wondering where he goes to, who he meets or messages, or is thinking of?

This loop is so unhelpful, especially in marriages.

If trust is not there, we should not be together.

It is as simple as that.

If I can be loyal, why can't he?
Trust: is it such precious commodity?

Or is it just me who is problematic.

The one not keeping the marriage spicy and exciting.

At this point frankly, we are lucky just to be able to talk to each other in the evenings

Without collapsing in deep sleep minutes later.

We are getting old, and I am not sure that I can rely on him to grow old together.

My fear rules all the time, and I should probably go.

Why stay in a burning house, ain't that just silly???

You flee, and run for your life!

Don't look back either.

Why go back, heal, and in a couple of months he does this again to you.

What then? Another drama & upheaval.

I really do not think I can survive that again and again.

Logic decrees that I prioritise self-preservation.