We are not Lesser Beings

In the Discovery Asia series "Lost Cities of the Jungle", 2 western archeologists explored the surrounding areas of Angkor Wat. Their digital team visualised and mapped out the animations, based on available data: local weather conditions, surrounding economic activities, excavated items,  the architecture and stone carvings on the temples.

Their quest started from the notion/ question: "Why did the Khmer people build an isolated temple very deep into the jungle?" Apparently they didn't. (Then/ At that moment in history) there was a network of roads and towns that led to the temple, now overgrown/ overtaken by nature.

King Jayavarman II (who reportedly was from Java) proclaimed godlike powers and ruled over the Khmer people around that time. As a leader, he coordinated the constructions and established authority over at least a million  subjects (a rough estimate based on the size of the cities and agricultural + economic activities surrounding Angkor Wat).

My additional questions: 

- Why did the empire not grow, but died? Similar to the Aztecs

- Who succeeded Jayavarman II? Did he have a succession plan?

At its height, this city + Angkor Wat was bigger than any western city which existed around that time.

In Malaysia we had the historical ruins of Lembah Bujang in Kedah, which is said to be one of the earliest civilisations around 6 AD during the time when Western Roman Empire was at its downfall (according to Wikipedia). This civilisation is a full-blown town/ city that welcomed traders geographically guided by the landmark of Gunung Jerai (Mount Jerai).

There is some anecdotal evidence that before North America was colonised by the Spanish and British, the Chinese were there (there is a controversial book titled 1421 by Gavin Menzies about this). However the Chinese left little impact on the community: basically they arrived, discovered and eventually left. As opposed to the Spanish/ British approach of "I came I saw I conquered".

The above information, in my view, shows the greatness of Asians. We were capable people who ran empires way before our Western masters. The colonisation of Africa and Asia particularly by the Spanish/ Dutch/ French/ British (in some cases for far too long) probably made us feel that we are lesser beings put on earth to serve our masters. We were not.

Many years on, we may still believe that the light-skinned folks are superior. They are not. They're just raised to believe that. Like we were conditioned to believe that we are less able.

Incidentally our Malaccan prince Parameswara was from Majapahit Indonesia. Indonesians may have been one of the early explorers from Southeast Asia. Yet we (Malaysians) have poor opinions of them due to many years of unskilled labour supplies.

My point is: We have achieved great things (granted, these were in the past). Unfortunately we have been conditioned by centuries of history to believe otherwise. It is time to rebuild our confidence and be the very best beings we can be.

His hands weren't big enough to carry my Crown

Ex-hubby was controlling, has raging jealousy and is a very competitive person.

I really didn't know what I saw in him.

Perhaps because he was smart, tall and funny I fell hook line and sinker.

In the days counting down to the divorce, I saw the worst in him, and he likely saw the worst in me too.

Terrible energy, divorce is. 

The divorce happened on 23 March 2014. I felt relieved.

Two years of therapy followed after that.

And eventually I was okay.

I accepted the fact that shit happened.

Unfortunately the other woman was caught in the crossfire.

She eventually took off when she found out he had 5 kids.

She found out that he was married first but ignored me/ the marriage.

And at one point she was even trying to negotiate our bloody divorce.

But when the kids were made known, she took off faster than Wiley Coyote.

The actual reason: we had our issues & we were not right for each other.

I held on adamantly, stubbornly, thinking that the jealousy and control was "LOVE".

It was not. It was just a badly behaved person in a relationship with a crazy stubborn person who was completely oblivious to ALL THE WARNING SIGNS.

Truth is: his hands were too small for my crown.

And I was too disillusioned to see the truth.

In this second marriage, I hope to be a better person.

I know what I want, and we are ready for each other (I'd like to think).

Hopefully my stubbornness will serve me well this time.

I wish myself the best.

Flesh and Blood

My youngest brother is someone who has a lot of potential, but has his own mind in making decisions.

He makes the best choc chip cookies ever (at least from the cookies I have tasted up to my 49th year of life), but choose to earn his keep as an e-hailing driver & a bouncer at a club.

Daily at 6am he returns home exhausted, and has continuous duties of preparing and sending his children to school. 

Umi has taken pity on his 2 daughters because his/ their bloody wife/ mother left the marriage.

These days Umi travels from Johor to KL to take care of his girls.  My brother got custody of the children. For the divorce proceedings we hired a lawyer who negotiated the case, and we siblings contributed to pay her fees.

I have given multiple suggestions to my brother to make some changes to his life and the children's wellbeing without imposing too much on Umi. Our mom has taken care of 8 of us her WHOLE life as a SINGLE mother; to expect her to take care of 2 boisterous grandchildren now is hardly fair.

However no matter what I say my brother will say "yes" or "okay" and ignore me to the pits of hell.

It's a 3-4 hour journey one way from Johor to KL, and Umi makes that trip twice or thrice a month for the girls. Because they do not have a mommy, Umi spoils them. Especially the elder one who goes to Umi for all material things that my brother refused to get her. I had said something once or twice on this unbridled spending spree. My niece was as resolute as a rock & I doubt that she heard anything I said (or is willing to). On top of that, Umi took offence. I didn't realise it at first, but got the drift a few days later when Umi didn't want to come visit my house. No matter. It is all good. I will not give any more advice. They are unwarranted and unwelcome. My life will continue as usual and I will no longer participate in the sending and picking up duties. 

One day my brother will clean up his act (I hope) and take care of his daughters properly. He probably needed therapy BUT WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS REGARDING THERAPY OR COUNSELING BECAUSE HE SAYS HE'S OKAY!!!! No matter. He will be fine. He's a grown man capable of handling his life. No need to worry because I have my own problems.

The sad thing is we can see the writing on the wall, and we have seen multiple repeats of this story our whole lives. Umi even has such a person as a sibling, and he struggled his whole life, still do. I see that path aligning with my brother and her eldest spoilt daughter (spoilt by Umi, not my brother). Good luck with that. I wish and pray that it won't happen, for Umi's sake and all our sakes, but the signs are there.

For now it is best for me to focus on my children and not create this person in our folds.

All the best to my brother, his daughters and Umi.

I hope their hearts will heal and they will become their best selves.

Miscellany | Lest I Forget

This post contains a hodge podge of entries covering various areas.

I am writing in this blog, because I don't know where to put them.

Since these are important, I want to practice documenting information and somehow I want to remember these.

10 Oct 2023 (0900-1230 hrs)

Event: Forging Resilience: Mind and Mental Care in Demanding Conditions

Organised by ISUC (Cynthia Paul & Dr Stephen Poon)

Brian Lariche (Make It Right Foundation)

- stop the pity towards the disabled/ differently-abled; have empathy instead

- think of strategies to support the community/ be more inclusive

- they do not need pity, many are independent (or can learn to be independent)

Fatin Amin (Golfer; Golf Instructor; Author "A Dead Body Never Lies")

- learn to come out fast from a bad situation = resilience

Leong Yin Kit (YTL International College of Hotel Management)

- care for others; listen and learn (story about student who committed suicide)

10 Oct 2023 (2100-2200 hrs)

Peers on Demand

Fear & Courage: venturing into the unknown (context: consulting)

    Relationship

    Connection

    Diffusing (hot situations)

    Storytelling

    Humour

Objective: Call to ACTION (context: writing on linkedin)

- target audience; segmentation: quick reading or deep dive? 

- (e.g. McKinsey charts; 5 to 50; explainers)

- analytics/ impression on readers

- "hook"/ creating interest

12 Oct 2023 (1600-1800 hrs)

Carbon Literacy Training (DMU)

- when communicating the message of carbon literacy, how do we address the "audience" e.g. a vegetarian; a manager/ business owner; a runner

- awareness of sustainable practices & connection to business continuity

- climate adaptation: e.g. building design; infra to handle climate change

- highlight relevant areas of change in pledge: e.g. eating less meat & increasing plant-based diet

- mention significant activities: one or more activities + why the activities reduce carbon footprint

- PLEDGE TO SELF: e.g. connect to areas like travel; home; diet; communicating climate change to others (such as doing assignment related to climate change)

17 Oct 2023 (2100-2200 hrs)

Peers on Demand

From Advisory/ Sharing to Co-Venture/ Advisory Council = evolution of business model

- coaching/ support

- performance management

- leadership development

- supporting business leaders

- measurable outcome

17 Oct 2023 (2200-2300 hrs)

UN Global Compact & 2030 Builders

Unlocking Sustainability: Engaging and Upskilling Employees

Why sustainability? To protect against instability

However it remains a challenge

Less than 50% sustainability achievement amongst companies

Challenge in company transformation towards sustainability

UN Global Compact has 150 million employees, to drive change

Employee Engagement for Sustainability: not just knowing but doing

- new mindset

- new behaviour

- change for sustainable goals

My takeaways:

- champions - middle management involvement - communicate clearly - buy in & empowerment - available content/ resources

18 Oct 2023 (1400-1500 hrs)

Peers on Demand 

Sharing by Indy (Digital Coaching)

DT = what are the pain points?

- Agile system development

- Accountability, Buddy system

- Tech support during transition

- Communication of goals to employees

- Hybrid workspaces post-pandemic

- IT/ Tech Support

- Many transactional leaders, not many relational ones

- Consider reward (monetary vs non-monetary)

24 Oct 2023 (2100-2200 hrs)

Peers on Demand

Rocky Romero

- stop negativity (don't read news)

- cheer others on; contribute

- "engage" 

Social Work/ Causes to be adopted

CONTEXT: work with indigenous primary schoolchildren

Analogy: 

If you want to build a ship, don't start chopping down the tree, cutting down the wood; instructing your people to get on with the construction.

Instead, guide your people to long for the sea, and the ship will get built.

Share the vision (of the benefits of education) and let them experience it (engage the senses)

Remember to fulfil their needs, don't impose our belief system on them. 

They may be living the life of their dreams!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

POINT TO MAKE: Get going already! Choose a cause and carry on. #justdoit

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams 💪

101 Possible Reasons

Honked at the parking entrance by a black Mercedes. 

Sounded like an angry honk (or was it?)

Why?

He wasn't paying attention. Followed too closely and was startled when I turned left

He was just a crabby person

Merc vs Bezza: he felt superior

He was in awe due to the beautiful driver

He is a blithering idiot 

Testing out his car horn (new car perhaps?)

Wanted to follow me inside the parking but could not, because he forgot this tag

There could in fact be 99-101 reasons why this angry middle aged male/ person acted that way.

No matter. My Monday will be fabulous regardless.

Leadership

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves. Lao Tzu

The above, in my view, is probably one of the best quotes of leadership.

Takeaway points from Peers on Demand 17 Oct 2023

"Leadership" could/ should be measurable, hence the leader or organisation can specifically identify the reasons behind their successes & failures.

Working with others (co-ventures/ associates/ advisors) may bring out the best from a leader as a person, and add value to others (in their growth journey).

Consider reviewing leadership tenure e.g. 2 or 4 years per tenure; if no such policy exists, consider rotation if leadership does not work/ does not deliver results.

We get wiser hopefully, not just older. 

Neuroplasticity: the ability of the brain to form and reorganise synaptic connections, especially in response to learning or experience or following injury. 

Leadership resilience and rejuvenation: mentally stronger/ fitness to make better decisions.

Is it so wrong?

Millie Bobby Brown published a book, but it was not written by her 
Debut novel by Millie Bobby Brown reignites debate over ghostwritten celebrity books

Let me say that she is not the first, and most definitely not the last.

Arguably, even for the biographies co-written with authors,

we can probably bet that the celebrity had very little input in the actual writing.

In academic circles, essay mills are generally frowned upon, due to them being unethical 

Inside a highly lucrative, ethically questionable essay-writing service

Essay mills and other contract cheating services: to buy or not to buy and the consequences of students changing their minds

Late last year we were introduced to chat gpt and now our research can be assisted by multiple generative AI apps such as scite.ai; jenni.ai; elicit.ai, typeset.io to name a few.

Is there a difference between the above initiatives?

Understandably we seek assistance when we write, but at what point does "help" becomes unethical?

Is there a duty to write the work ourselves 100%?

Should a line be drawn, should we STOP?

Are we possibly "passing off" someone else's work as ours?

Will there be a time in future that we will not be able to know/ differentiate who the writer is, and by then we probably won't care anyways.

Now that would be scary.

Hardship (The Prequel)

When my mom was a little girl, she lived in a village in Pasir Mas, Kelantan (Malaysia's East Coast).

Her parents were paddy farmers. They had their own plots and worked the land.

She learnt from young how to plant paddy, harvest it and process it into rice and rice flour.

The whole supply chain is done by humans: her parents and her siblings.

Grueling work is probably the way to describe it: they toiled under the hot sun for planting and harvesting, they used a large mortar-and-pestle like contraption to separate the rice grains from their shells, these are then stored in their granary (Mum calls it the 'rice house'), and they grind the rice to make rice flour (among others). If they want to make kuih, they will pluck some coconuts, break them open with the parang and then grate it manually, seated on a kukur kelapa (like in the photo below). Compared to me who buys rice, rice flour, and grated coconut from stores, they lived the hard life.

Source: Kukur Kelapa

After the harvest and processing, her mum (my grandma) would take the bus to go to Pasir Mas market bringing the rice and some chickens to be sold. She would leave early in the morning and returned home at sundown, bringing home some "kuih" for the children. They would all wait for her on the tree outside their house and would be elated to get some bites of the kuihs.

What I realised from Mum's stories is this: they knew how to live and feed themselves from the plants around them. They learnt to be resilient. They had life skills. Mum learnt about edible plants and fruits; she knew how to fish; she of course knew how to cook; she taught herself to swim; and she knew the nooks and crannies of the forest. Well, technically the village was densely forested and she knew her way around. [In fact, my late uncle when he moved to our housing development, found a lake/. water source in the nearby forest reserve. When there is water disruption, he would go to the lake and get some water there. Now the area has been cordoned off and turned into a reservoir.]

Would I/ we want to live like that now? Probably not.

Would the skills be relevant though? Probably yes.

How would the 2 be merged now, to raise more resilient children and remind parents of the important things? Even if my life now has no similarity to Mum's experiences in the past, the skills and lessons are as relevant as ever, in 2023.

Public Health(care)

On 4th October I brought mum to Hospital Serdang.

Because she had mild symptoms that mimicked a heart attack.

At the triage counter the staff shot up when we described the symptoms.

Mum was sent to the Yellow Zone for Partially Critical cases.

ZONES are classified into Green = Non-critical; Yellow = Partially Critical; Red = Critical.

She was given a seat on a sofa and underwent a few tests: sugar level, blood work, x-ray

I wasn't allowed to go inside the zone, but asked permission to enter when mum wanted drinking water.

Inside there were many people on many beds with many different kinds of ailments. 
Made me realise how blessed I am to have good health.

We went at 2pm (at the Triage Counter) and left at nearly 8pm (at the Pharmacist).
Six hours in total. No charges, because Mum holds the Government Retiree Card.

My heart goes out to the overworked medical staff.

There were just too many patients requiring attention, and the policy for government clinics and hospitals is to not turn anyone away.

I wished I could have made things better for them, but I guess staying out of the way, keeping calm and following the rules are it. 

If ever anyone is interested to solve real-world problems, this is the jackpot.

Listen to your Heart

Nobel Laureate Jon Fosse shared the best writing advice that he has ever received:

Excerpt:

I think the best advice I’ve learned from life is to listen to yourself, not to others. Stick to what you have, not to what you want to have or wish you had. Stay close to yourself, to your inner voice and vision and how you want the writing to be.

When my first novel was published it got lots of bad reviews, and they haunted me, and if I had listened to them I would have stopped writing. I decided to listen to myself instead—to what I knew. Ever since then that has been a kind of rule for me.

Source: Newly minted Nobel Laureate Jon Fosse on the best writing advice he’s ever received.

I will keep writing my hodge podge content, until I find my voice. 

My work will see the light of day, one day 👸

Can we be a little less Despicable?

Imagine this. Morning Rush. Bumper to Bumper traffic on the ELITE Highway (if you're not familiar with ELITE Highway, just imagine any highway).

I had sent hubby to KLIA at 6am for his flight to Jakarta at 8am.

Driving back, I was caught in morning traffic to work.

On ELITE, droves of cars turned left to the Dengkil Rest Area (northbound) only to exit a few hundred metres ahead and bypass the traffic jam [I honestly thought: Boy, so many people are having their breakfast at this rest area, but no... these cars are the VERY cause of the heavy traffic!]

In the meantime, another group of fools drove on the emergency lane & eventually joined the bottleneck  up ahead.

Why do we behave this way? 

The rest of us also wants to get to work, or reach home on time too, as much as the other person. 

What would make it better is to have less d*cks on the road.

Hardship

This woman makes good money renting out her mom services to the younger generation.

Article title is apt: I’m a ‘rent-a-mom’ for Gen Z college students — parents pay me $10K to cook, do laundry and bail them out of jail" describing essentially what she does.

Excerpt:

"For their money, parents can depend on their away-from-home offspring receiving regular food deliveries, academic assistance, beauty and spa appointments bookings, aid in making dinner reservations and signing up for gym memberships, apartment hunting, furniture building, party planning, doctor referrals, summer storage, as well as banking and bill payment support — just to name a few."

My first reaction when reading the article was "WHAT?!" How is this even possible?

Looks like it is possible and doable and generates steady income.

Perhaps a perfect business match for the strawberry generation.