How we ended up at Square One

Well not exactly square one, because I have learnt new lessons.

New lessons ain't bad, because now I have knowledge. The only way now is up up up. Once I picked myself up from this puddle of mess.

I'm now back at my house. Thank goodness for a house, for a job, for an income to sustain me. I will survive. One step at a time. Let's make it. Because I can. I will. I have to. 

Choices are important. The decision is no less difficult or heartbreaking no matter what station in life you are in. Gemma Chan in Crazy Rich Asians portrayed this well. Her character is loaded as hell, is highly successful in her business, buys whatever she wanted, and hid these trinkets from her husband's view to not hurt his feelings. What did he do? He found another woman who is accessible, more available and attentive to his needs. She (Astrid) loved him damn it. But that was not enough. He was seeking something that she could not provide. Will this vicious cycle ever end???

Time for some Britt Nicole's The Sun is Rising "You're gonna make it"

I suspect even if divorced it won't make such a big impact on our lives. We never announced the wedding because he was not ready (I don't think he ever will be). Many of our friends do not know & probably think I am just a hangers on since 2014. Whatever. Like I care. Before God we were wed 5 years ago & I know what I know. 

He is not going to be too concerned either way. Married, unmarried. Whatever. Up to you, he would say. Yes it is up to me and I am filing for divorce. There is just no point pretending. Carilah calon baru. Dah jumpa pun agaknya.

I am not a bystander. I am the main event. Thank you very much!