Monday, May 06, 2024

He is just that not into you

Day by day, it gets easier.
The pining and missing dissipates over time.
Reality checks are always in order: he declared his forever love to someone else on our wedding night; he maintains emotional connection with his betrothed (who was forced to marry someone else by her family, and pines for him to this day); he has eyes on and often contacts & meets a cute girl/ our junior who is in a lonely marriage.
I know when to leave when the marriage is becoming too crowded. 
I GET IT. 
No need to tell me so many times.
I have been an idiot for far too long.
Never again!

Then there were the memories.
I will keep them in a vault deep in my heart, locked forever.
We probably can maintain friendship, we were friends to begin with anyway.
One day I will be okay, I know he will always be okay because he is a lightweight kind of guy.
What will transpire after 28 May, it is anyone's guess.
He need not take care of me anymore, not that he ever did much.
I took care of myself, like I always do. Because I can.
Until then, I will be here & he will be there.
No longer will we hold each other, or have long conversations, or spend time together, or be a part of each other's life.
Not that these moments matter anyway, because all these people were always in the picture.
(well the moments mattered to me, because they were ours.. and because I loved him but from his actions, he does not love me the same/ at all)
They discuss, judge and snicker away at my mistakes and shortcomings.
No matter, I do not live or die by your judgements.
To hell with all of you!

It was great to have lasted 5 years, despite the disturbances.
I have no qualms about it, because I did what I could in the time given & with the energy I had.
He had expected more, which I could not deliver.
I must remember to apologise for all these on the 28th.
Now he will be happy to explore the many opportunities the world has to offer.
I won't question or care anymore.

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