My Next Therapy Session

It has been marked in the calendar as 20 Feb 2025. Apt date actually. It would be a day after what would have been our 6th anniversary. Also known as Syeh & Aiza's Love Forever Day. It was never mine to claim. Neither was he. Sad but absolutely true. It had to be drummed in my head many times, for me to understand the depth of his love for her. FACT.

No matter how they justify that they were not suitable for each other, or that she had waited too long for him, or WHATEVER, they had loved each other and may still be in love to this day. No amount of denial or coaxing or justification would explain that relationship. I hope they find each other again, as they had prayed for endlessly. On my wedding night.

This is what I will discuss in therapy. How do people claim that they love you and do something like this. It is completely wild and unexplainable. EXCEPT if he had loved her. That is the only explanation which fits the situation. No matter how much they denied it, they had loved each other and may still do. I was just the side quest, unfortunately so. THIS would explain the lack of announcement or admission that we have been wed, and the general allergy towards the words/ terms "marriage" and "wife" THROUGHOUT the marriage. I literally stay away from such conversations because he was always uncomfortable with it, he mingles freely without attempting to introduce me to his friends, and he doesn't want to be close to me in group photos, lest people suggest that we're attached.. or married. That could be the WORST thing ever to him!

My therapy session is for this. Why had it happened that way? Why did he do what he did? Why did he apologise and ask me to forget about it like it was nothing? Do I not have a claim to the story as much as he does? How do I forgive and move on? Can I just dismiss it as: "they deserve each other"? I really do not have to think about it anymore actually. Dear therapist, please help me!

In the meantime, I will help myself. What has been done, is done. Love yourself & treasure your worth my dear girl, because you are PRECIOUS!!!