Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Together

Today everybody will be home for the holidays. No. 1 will arrive from the North at 1 am later. Around May/ June next year, No. 3 will be going to college and that leaves the little ones in my stead. There probably need to be some rearrangement of schedule for babysitting i.e. daycare timetable, and we will likely go everywhere together. Fantastic.

Looking forward to 2018 when great things will happen *starry eyes*


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Finding my Fire

Do I still have it- my mojo or whatever it is that people call it? I don't know.

Feeling lethargic and apathetic. Why?

I do appreciate having a job and getting paid. The work is reasonably flexible. I get to spend time with the children. I have enough, and I pay my dues.

Teaching was supposed to be my passion, but after the 200th class or so (classes that I have stopped counting), I feel like a broken record. Repeating and rehashing the same stuff, until my brain nearly stops working. Do you know how that feels?

It is only Tuesday & I feel as if it is already Friday. Friday will come and I will be as tired. As non-responsive. As bored as I am today.

How do I kick myself in the butt and get up again? I could go for a holiday. It may help a little bit, but doesn't cure the major symptom. That I am superbly bored beyond words.


Monday, August 21, 2017

Small Things, Big Things & Everything in between

Yesterday S & I went to do the laundry, at one of the self-service laundromats near the house. Well we didn't do our laundry or anything- I just helped with the washer & dryer operations- and the washing was for the alumni team's football jerseys, after their match. After the wash & dry we folded the clothes and while waiting for the cycle to finish, we had tea at the nearby restaurant.

Very ho-hum right? Yet to me it was really quite meaningful.
Why? I can't be sure why- just the feeling of doing something together.
Because Mr Ex is the divide-and-conquer type- we NEVER do any housework together & maybe I had always wanted to experience the daily stuff with someone, at least once.

However as always, I do not want to get ahead of myself. January will come and go, and will it happen? I don't know. Whether it happens or not, I have no regrets. I promise to move on, regardless.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Chink in the Armour

Being single revealed to me the reality of many married men. They are mostly lonely and seek some kind of attention from the opposite sex. The key is not to entertain or prolong the interest, lest they think that there is a slight chance of something else developing.

On the other hand, I have met many single women who enjoy receiving and giving attention. No harm in it, as long as they know how to draw the line.. and the wife doesn't find out.

I try not to judge either party- I had gotten involved with someone's husband before, but stopped when I figured out that he loves his wife and there is no way I could manoeuvre against the jealousy; time limitations; differences in treatment and whatever-else-have-yous.. and the fact that she is almost perfect does NOT help. My point is that it could happen to anybody (even to someone so vehemently opposed to polygamy), so chill.

The main point is: nobody's perfect. If we are, the we would be God. So there. 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Toughened Up

There was a little mouse which insists that it wants to stay in my house.

Initially I found it in an empty tissue box meant for the recycle bin. I screamed my head out & threw the box- it was trapped inside, but I left it outside in the hope that it will chew its way out (it did!).

The next day he was scurrying again inside the house and I mustered a warning in a stern voice "please leave this house" at least 3 times (because I didn't want to kill it).

Next morning, I chased it out and sealed the back door. He entered through the sewers and ended up in the toilet bowl. I closed the lid & left it be (because I don't know how to handle it). He escaped!

However, yesterday he (or his relations- I can't tell the difference anyhooo) ended up drowned in the water pail. Again I screamed my head out. My attempt to gain pity didn't work. Mum is not well and cannot come help me with my mouse issue. She said no matter how scared or squeamish you are, this has to be done. Who else would do it for you? If you leave it too long, there will be a foul stench and it is terribly unhygenic. Mom's logic- who can argue with that???

SO, TODAY I MUSTERED THE COURAGE AND POURED THE CARCASS DOWN THE MONSOON DRAIN #ARGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

... and thereafter secured all entrances with steel netting..

My appeal : please stay out all mice and neighbouring relations- because we cannot keep doing this. So many man hours lost gathering the courage (so much drama too). I hope the mice will finally be deterred. And it is also a reminder to myself: CLEAN UP THE HOUSE MORE OFTEN PLEASE!!!

A Brief Moment of Happiness

H & F knew each other for 3-4 months before deciding to get married on 22 July 2017.

Two weeks into the marriage, he suffered a minor stroke.. then a major one.. and lapsed into a coma that required him to be on a life support machine briefly.. and passed on 3 days later.

Their romance/ love/ companionship was brief yet true. A match, finally, for both of them. For both this was their third marriage; they have both experienced love and loss.. and the ensuing pain.. and the eventual recovery.

They had so much in common, he the giver: always generous.. she the fun, young side of things.. always positive and hopeful, and mature beyond her years.

She had said, initially she thought it is better to be separated in death (in the context of husband & wife) than being divorced & carrying the hatred. However now she takes back all her words. Losing a spouse to death is painful beyond words, she had said.

His jacket remained hung on the wall, exactly where he had left it when he came back from work.

He had just finished unpacking his things in her house, and they were planning to move house once things get more settled. They had looked at some houses and had settled on one that they particularly liked, in the hope of raising a family together.

She said she finally had someone who could take care of her, someone she could pamper equally. Yet the brief moment he was lent to her by Allah is and remained as precious as ever.

Just now I visited her.. and I let her talk about him, about her, about anything. She looks strong and put together, as she always does. Only Allah knows best what goes on in her mind.

May she have the peace of mind and all the support from friends and loved ones. She is truly a trooper and always a fighter. I do hope for the best for her & may his soul be blessed endlessly.

Done

Finally I said what I wanted to say to her.. well I messaged, I didn't actually say it to her face.

I said I am not comfortable when she messages S personally at times.. and I did apologise for feeling that way.. so I expressed it to her instead of avoiding her like everybody else. (Maybe I should have done the latter, because she just does NOT get it).

She said she knew him first before me, and he is like a brother to her.. and that if I love S, I should trust him. Said with such bravado, in that blood/ sibling trumps girlfriend. (Ironically this 'brother' thing is self-proclaimed).

Another message came in shortly from a dear friend, saying that I should just ignore her. DONE and DONE! Goodbye SS.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Crutch

There is a student in my class with a sight impairment- he can't see the board or slides well, nor can he drive (but he does, he says #shriek!!!) so he has told me at least 8 times that he can't see very well & would like additional consultation time with me to review some topics.

HOWEVER, in practice this wonderful soul waltzes into class in the last 10-15 minutes & merely took photographs of the notes on the board. He doesn't do any exercises during tutorial & repeats (for the umpteenth time perhaps) that he cannot see the board & could barely see the printed notes.

As sympathetic as I am to differently-abled individuals, this one is a BS case. Does not take any effort, does not show any interest, comes and goes as he likes YET expects support. You have GOT to meet me halfway here dude!


Hope

You have to hand it to Hindi songs and movies, about endless love and soulmates and giving up everything for a shot at happiness with someone the family disapproves. Why not?

At this juncture perhaps I would like to be left alone to my own devices BUT still need my mom and brother to dispose of the mice in the bathroom- they found their way in through the bathroom grilles. One jumped to its death into a pail of water & another is still swimming (happily or otherwise) in the toilet bowl. Why oh Why??

I do admit, I need people to help me (of course!). I do not claim to be completely independent without any help or assistance (if that is possible, I would probably opt for it). Still hoping for a companion or Mr Right or a soulmate perhaps (if it not too much of a stretch).

Have started to deal with the issues at the office- our overbearing HoD, the unfinished construction, students who sometimes get on my nerves. Mentally trying to turn the negatives to positives: as HoD she wants us to comply with the procedures (even though her managing style is rather 'special'/ unique); things are coming together and shaping up at the campus (and hopefully we will not have too long a period of dust) and there are many good + wonderful students for the few who test my patience to the limit.

All these brings me to the point: there is always hope. So be good and things will work out, not as well as in Bollywood movies but it is fair enough.